Life is not getting easier...though i had high hopes that it would. I feel like I am a hamster stuck in the my little hamster wheel and I feel the same emotions repeatedly. I am trying so hard to move on, but with each step I take forward, it only seems like I fall back two steps. I am so grateful that through this all I have friends that will sit there with me and listen to me, my dog Luci who will unconditionally love me and that I have running to help clear my thoughts and anxiety. It's hard not to feel like things are my fault, even though rationally I know that it was not all my fault. It hurts to see that he has moved on so quickly with his life while I am left here struggling to keep mine together. I hear certain songs on the radio, eat certain foods, come across various pictures and they all remind me of "us". I have never been this heartbroken before and I really don't know what to do to make myself feel better.

I want to feel whole again. I want to be happy again. I just want to stop being so sad.