I caved in.

And finally bought a new laptop. Now I just need to figure out how I will retrieve all of my music and photos and documents from my now dead laptop. I'm hoping it will magically come alive again later like it did last time so that I can get stuff off of it. Otherwise, I will cry.

LA half marathon 2010

The inaugural LA half marathon has been conquered! I set another PR this month and finished in 1:56:59...finally reaching my goal to break 2hrs. It was an awesome course despite the hills ( hey, at least there were downhills to compensate!) and it was fairly well organized considering it was the first one. The weather couldn't have been better...a little sunny at times, but it was still cool enough that it wasn't miserable. Plentynof runners in Elvis costumes too...which always helps with the laugh factor. I started off the race too fast (why I still make that mistake I don't know) so I know a negative split is out of the question. But, I'm okay with that...Just another lesson for next time! I think I may run in this race again next year! Half marathons really are an awesome distance. Felt great after the race and felt no pain...a far difference from when I run in fulls!

I tried posting a picture of luci and the medal, but I can't post pictures from my iPad for some reason...bummer

I miss you

The Portland Cream donut from Voodoo Donuts:



This meal tied with the pho food cart I ate at in the Pearl District. This meal is from Nong's Khao Man Gai. I can't describe how delish this simple Thai dish is:


I also miss you Rogue...this is the Morimoto Soba Ale:

Portland Marathon 2010

First off I want to say I LOVE YOU PORTLAND. I even might come back to run in your marathon again...because I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH. Please just don't rain the entire race next year :)

I had a great race this past Sunday at the Portland Marathon. I knew I would be running in colder weather than San Diego, but nothing prepared me for running a marathon in 55 degrees in the rain. Didn't Portland get the memo from me that I grew up in Hawaii (hardly rains) and live in San Diego (also hardly rains)?!?!? Geez...My socks and shoes were soaked even before the start of the race, and I knew that was bad sign...

It took me about 20 minutes to physically cross the start line...and the first 5 miles were so crowded and I was watching my feet to make sure not to trip on anyone. The first 5 miles are always my least favorite because most people (myself included no doubt) dash out hopped up on adrenaline, so keeping a decent pace is difficult to say the least. This time around, I decided that I was determined to run a smarter race and force myself to start off slow so that I would be able to finish strong(er) than the RockNRoll marathon.

It was awesome to run in a different city than I normally train in and get to see all the different neighborhoods. I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more had it not been so cold and wet. I was continually amazed at all the volunteers and spectators that still had huge smiles and loads of support for the runners despite the weather. The entire time I was running I was thinking, which is better, running in heat or in the rain? I've now done both and I think my answer is rain. I feel for all the Chicago marathoners!!!

Anyways, a large portion of the course was through a pretty industrial area...not much to report there. The course was also relatively flat with several rolling hills (all of which felt like were in the 2nd half of the marathon...of course!) Crossed several bridges, which provided for some amazing scenery and ran through many a small neighborhoods where all the residents came out of their homes holding cups of coffee and cheered us on.

I felt fantastic and was running on target up until Mile 21 (actually surprised I felt good until then to be honest) and that's when I hit The Wall. The dreaded Wall. When I hit the wall I started walking whenever I came up to an aid station so that I could give my legs a short break. Mile 22-26 were seriously the longest four miles I have ever ran in my entire life. It felt longer than the 1st half of the course!

But, I came around a corner in downtown Portland and saw the finish line and thought HALLELUJAH Warm Shower here I come! I didn't have any strength left in my legs to sprint to the end (though in retrospect I wish I had). Finished the race in 4hr 22minutes...10 minutes faster than my RnR time from June. I am happy with my time, but now it's making me want to run another one to see if I can beat this time. hahaha

And the best part of running in this particular marathon was that I ran with Team Portland's Marathon for the Cure and was able to raise over $1,300 for the Susan G Komen Foundation. At the points in the race where I felt like utter shit and questioned why I volunteered to run 2 marathons within a four month span the only thing that kept me going were my supporters.

I couldn't have done it without them.

Life is not getting easier...though i had high hopes that it would. I feel like I am a hamster stuck in the my little hamster wheel and I feel the same emotions repeatedly. I am trying so hard to move on, but with each step I take forward, it only seems like I fall back two steps. I am so grateful that through this all I have friends that will sit there with me and listen to me, my dog Luci who will unconditionally love me and that I have running to help clear my thoughts and anxiety. It's hard not to feel like things are my fault, even though rationally I know that it was not all my fault. It hurts to see that he has moved on so quickly with his life while I am left here struggling to keep mine together. I hear certain songs on the radio, eat certain foods, come across various pictures and they all remind me of "us". I have never been this heartbroken before and I really don't know what to do to make myself feel better.

I want to feel whole again. I want to be happy again. I just want to stop being so sad.